Adulthood is weird because somehow, everyone else seems to know things I clearly missed the memo on. Like, was there a secret meeting where they handed out the manual? Because I don’t remember getting an invite, and I definitely don’t remember being taught any of this in school.
What I do remember is wasting years solving equations I’ll never use and memorising random capitals that have never once paid my bills.
Meanwhile, every time I watch a movie or read a book, the characters just know these skills. The cool girls always glide through life like someone whispered the cheat codes in their ear, while I’m sitting here wondering where you even go to learn that.
So yes, sometimes it feels like I’m stuck at “press start” in the video game with no instructions, hoping the directions will magically download into my brain one day. Until then, maybe the cool girls can finally tell me their secrets.
Here are 10 life skills I’m pretty sure everyone else got a manual for except me:
1. Tying a Guy’s Tie
In movies, women stroll in, fix a tie with one flick of the wrist, and suddenly he looks like James Bond. Me? I’ve never tied a tie in my life. If I tried, we’d both end up in a knot that doubles as a noose.
And yet, I want this skill so badly. It looks so romantic, the casual pull, the tiny moment of closeness, like every rom-com ever. But where exactly am I supposed to learn it? Am I supposed to buy a tie and practice with YouTube tutorials? Do I test it out on my friends like a science project?
All I know is right now, if I tried to “seductively” fix someone’s tie, I’d probably loosen it by mistake and immediately pretend I meant to undo the whole thing.
2. Reading a Map in Real Life
I can barely follow Google Maps with the moving blue dot. Half the time, I’m spinning in circles on the street trying to figure out which way is left. A paper map? With no zoom, no “recenter,” no soothing voice to tell me I missed the turn? Be serious.
Movies make it look easy. Someone just opens a map, points to a spot, and suddenly they know precisely where they are and where they’re going. Meanwhile, I’d still be stuck trying to unfold the thing without tearing it.
Honestly, if you dropped me in the middle of a city with just a map, I’d probably spend the whole day asking strangers for directions and then still end up in the wrong neighbourhood.
3. Packing a Suitcase Like a Pro
In films, women fit 30 outfits into a carry-on with space left for shoes. Me? I need a support group just to zip the bag shut. My “essentials” expand until the suitcase looks like it’s holding its breath. The second I open it, everything flips out like it’s been waiting for freedom.
But in movies, the cool girl always knows how to pack. She’s calmly folding his clothes while he watches, murmuring in that sultry voice, “You’re the only one who knows how to do this.” Or the mom is sighing about how her son can’t pack for college, then she rearranges everything, and somehow an ironing board slides neatly inside. Please, how?
Meanwhile, I can’t even pack for a two-day trip without dragging along three mini bags because nothing fits.
4. Sitting at the Bar Alone and Looking Cool
Women in movies make it look effortless. They stroll into a bar, order a martini in one breath, cross their legs, and within five minutes someone’s buying them a drink. They look like they belong there, like they’ve been doing this their whole lives.
Me? I’d last about thirty seconds before the panic set in. I’d be adjusting my posture, wondering where to put my elbows, and holding my glass like it might explode. Instead of mysterious and alluring, I’d look like I was waiting for my mum to pick me up.
And I want that skill. I want to be the girl who can sit at a bar alone and give off unbothered come-hither energy. But in reality, I’d probably sip too fast, choke on the olives, and then text three friends for moral support.
5. Parallel Parking in One Try
Legends say it’s possible. I wouldn’t know. My version of parallel parking involves three reverses, two apologies, and a small prayer to whatever god is listening.
In movies, people just slide the car in, one smooth move, no hesitation. Meanwhile, I’m holding up traffic, sweating like it’s the final round of a game show, and debating whether to just give up and walk home.
Half the time, I get so nervous I park two streets away and pretend I chose to take the extra steps for “exercise.”
6. Looking Cool While Running for a Bus
In movies, women sprint in heels, their hair blowing in slow motion, and still manage to look glamorous. Strangers stop and stare, the music swells, and she hops on the bus like it was all part of the plan.
Me? I run two steps, and it’s instant asthma cosplay. My bag is flapping open, one shoe is threatening to fall off, and my face looks like I’m fighting for custody of my next breath. By the time I catch the bus, I don’t look mysterious or cinematic; I look like I need medical attention.
7. Casually Ordering Cocktails or Wine
Everyone else: “I’ll have a Negroni, sbagliato… with Prosecco.” They say it smoothly, like they were born knowing how to pronounce things with silent letters. The bartender nods, impressed.
Me? I panic. I’m squinting at the menu like it’s written in hieroglyphics, then finally blurt out, “Um… can I just get something sweet? Maybe pink? And please, nothing that tastes like cough syrup, thanks.”
By the time the drink arrives, I’m praying it’s at least drinkable, smiling like everything’s fine, and quietly swearing I’ll learn the difference between a spritzer and a sangria before the next event.
8. Fixing Anything in the House
Lightbulb blows? Faucet drips? In films, people just grab a wrench, tighten something, and it’s solved in five minutes. Me? I simply adjust to the new lifestyle. Dark bathroom? Romantic vibes. Leaky tap? Waterfall aesthetic.
By the time someone actually comes to fix it, I’ve fully adjusted to my new identity as ‘person who showers in the dark.’
9. Washing a Car and Looking Sexy
Apparently, this is supposed to be a sultry life skill; you lean on the hood, water dripping, body glistening, and it’s all very hot. Me? The second I touch a sponge, I’m sticky, my shirt is plastered to me in the least flattering way, and there’s soap in my hair for no reason.
By the time I’m done, the car isn’t even that clean, I’m drenched like I fell in a puddle, and I smell faintly of dish soap. Sexy? Not even close. It’s giving “desperate intern at a car wash fundraiser.”
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10. Opening Wine with Grace
When other people open wine, it’s a neat little pop like applause for their competence. Me? Broken cork, wine splashing, the bottle looking like a crime scene.
And don’t ask me to use one of those fancy corkscrews. That’s not a tool, that’s advanced physics. Every time I try, I either bend the opener, stab myself, or end up pushing the cork inside and pretending that’s what I meant to do.
By the time the glass is poured, I look less like a host and more like someone who just survived a bar fight.
11. Flirting Without Looking Ridiculous
Some people raise an eyebrow, and it’s instant chemistry. I try to roll my eyes seductively and end up looking like I’m about to faint.
Then there’s the voice thing. Girls drop their tone, say one line, and suddenly the whole room is leaning in. I try it, and my voice cracks; now I sound like I have a terrible cold, or my voice is barely audible.
So instead of sparking chemistry, I just leave people wondering if they should call a doctor.
12. Shopping Without Collapsing from Exhaustion
I want to have my Pretty Woman moment, bags on my arm, a glass of champagne, twirling in front of a mirror like shopping is a sport I was born for.
Reality? After three outfits, I’m sweating under the fluorescent lights, my hair is ruined, and I’m seriously considering lying down on the fitting room floor. By the fifth outfit, I’m no longer looking in the mirror; I’m just praying this one zips so I can go home.
I doubt I’m alone…
So maybe I really did miss the tutorial. But I have a feeling I’m not the only one. Half of adulthood is pretending to know what you’re doing while secretly hoping no one notices you’re improvising. If you’ve ever fumbled a tie, panicked at a bar, or nearly fainted in a changing room, then welcome —you’re in good company.
And if you are one of the cool girls who somehow knows all the tricks, please, share your secrets. Because the rest of us are still stuck at “press start,” waiting for the manual to appear magically.
