Life Uncut is a series dedicated to sharing the stories and real-life experiences of women, each as unique as the women who share them. We talk about the things you whisper to your group chat, the drama you swore you would never repeat, and the lessons you only learn the hard way. From the good to the messy to the emotional, this is where women tell it exactly as it is.
In this story, *Sophia*, a 19-year-old university student, shares her experience navigating her first relationship, one that quickly turned physically abusive. She opens up about how it all started, the abuse she endured, and her difficult leaving the relationship.
Here’s how it all started
Sometimes, it feels like a dream. I still sort of care about him, but I know that the relationship is not for me. It’s been 2 whole fucking years and I don’t even recognise myself. I mean, I can’t believe the stuff I tolerated. But you know how it goes, it’s just one misstep after another, and suddenly you’re at the hospital, and you have to let your brain make the decisions for you this time because your heart still holds on to the good times.
I mean, I am just 19, how do I explain that my boyfriend has been abusing me to someone? Like you hear stories of domestic violence and you wonder how the woman stayed through it all, because that could never be you. And one day, you realise you are that woman, and someone you hate yourself more than him, because how could you have FUCKING tolerated all that.
I was 17 when I got admission to study biochemistry at the University of Port Harcourt. I had never been in a relationship before then. You have to understand, I attended an all-girls school, and outside of that, I had parents monitoring me. My mom was protective, and even when I got into university, she assigned someone to watch out for me, Priscilla*, her cousin’s daughter.
Meeting Him
Priscilla was a literal god-sent. She was like two levels ahead of me, and it was great to have a familiar friend at the university. She was literally there to pick me up and get me settled into school. Additionally, she’s quite popular and knows almost everyone, and everyone likes her. She was the social director of her department, and IYKYK, it’s great to have someone like that at your side. You get immediate elevation status with someone like that as your friend. Especially as someone from a sheltered background, she was my key to having my dream university experience, and no, she didn’t disappoint.
One day, while I was preparing for an upcoming test, I received a call from her to attend a party; she told me to dress my best. I was so excited, as it was my first official school party. I raided my entire wardrobe looking for the cutest and hottest dress, but my mom pretty much helped with the shopping, so it was quite challenging to get something great. I eventually settled for the shortest and most flattering dress I could find, did my makeup, and rushed to meet Priscilla at the party.
I was nervous when I got to the party, and everything felt overwhelming. It was loud, I couldn’t even hear myself, and had to ask repeatedly for everything to be repeated. But I was at my first party, and that was all that mattered. So I literally stuck to Priscilla’s side, and she didn’t mind at all. And that’s when he walked up to Priscilla.
He was exactly my type: hot, tall, handsome, and yes, the kind of guy you’d turn your head to look at and smile as other girls stared at him because you had him in your arms. He was the one hosting the party, and he walked up to greet Priscilla. They were so engrossed in their conversation, I was so happy when he finally noticed me and asked for my name while reaching for a handshake.
Reflecting on it, I wish I had never met him or taken his hand. In fact, I should have sat down in my room instead. But we did meet, and he blew my mind.
How We Started Dating
At the party, he collected my number, and honestly, I was so happy. I was literally experiencing my own romance novel, and one of the hottest guys in school was interested in me; he was everything I had always dreamed of. He’s actually pretty boxed up, and in just a few days of meeting, he was spoiling me. I mean, he would buy me food from the hottest spots in school, send me data without me asking, and even give me money. I mean, it was like every movie you’ve watched, and god, he spoiled me with attention.
Even though I was a bit nervous when he asked me out, I said yes. He was older and at the same level as Priscilla, rich, popular, and he loved me just as much as I loved him. We only met a couple of weeks before that, but I felt like I had met the one, the literal one.
Maybe I should have noticed the red flags then, but all I saw was a guy who loved me. A week into us being official, he wanted me at his place all the time. He just couldn’t have enough of me, and honestly, me too. He started telling me what to wear, making me get rid of my old “Mary Amaka” clothes. He practically changed my entire wardrobe, and he had the money to do it. I didn’t mind it, not necessarily. I was rolling with the big boys in school now, and honestly, I felt really happy.
Two weeks in, he was already demanding sex. I was a virgin, and I had never been in a relationship before. I had crushes in the past, but never even gone to second base, and now he was demanding sex. I had told him I was a virgin when we met, and he had promised we would take it slow.
But somehow sex became the issue we had. Everything about us became about sex. His mood would change, he would send TikToks about it, and even reference how difficult it was on his WhatsApp status. It’s not like we weren’t doing other things (me mostly doing stuff to him to compensate), but he wanted it, and he wasn’t budging. Three weeks in, I caved, and it was hands down the worst experience of my life. I wasn’t ready emotionally or physically, and he wasn’t patient.
The next day, he called me and asked me what phone I wanted, and he got it for me. That night again, we had sex, and it hurt, but I consoled myself that it would get better. And truthfully, it got better and became something I craved too.
I was at his place almost every day of the week. My roommates never even bothered to ask where I was, because I was always by his side with his crew, including Priscilla. They were in a different level, so I started missing classes, like I minded anyway. I was already getting disinterested in school, and I started paying off my class rep to sort things out for me when academic issues began. I was in love, happy, and that was all that mattered.
The Abuse I Didn’t Realise Was Abuse
We had arguments (what couple didn’t?), but when he got upset, he’d brush past me and hit my shoulder while walking off. If I tried to hold his arm, he’d pull it off violently. It wasn’t major, but those were the signs.
The first time it became an issue was when we were arguing about something; I mean, the fight wasnt even the issue, but his reaction. I was so angry, he was yelling at me, and I was yelling back. Then I said something like, “What will you do/what can you?”Guy, he dragged me by the elbow into his guest bedroom and shoved me so that I tripped on the floor. I was still in shock when he walked out, and I heard the sound of the key on the door. He locked me in and just went out. I was so shocked that I did nothing for the first few minutes before I stood up in rage and ran to the door. I yelled and kicked at the door for God knows how many minutes before I fell onto the floor again. Rage turned into tears, and I just kept crying because love wasn’t supposed to hurt like this.
He didn’t come back for hours, and eventually I had to call Priscilla to help me. I explained what had happened, and she met him somewhere, got his keys, and let me out—5 good hours I was locked in that room.
I went back to my hostel and swore I was never going to see him again. This is it, I was done. I couldn’t even tell anyone because what kind of disrespect was that? I spent the week crying. I didn’t have anything to do again, since I wasn’t hanging out with David* and his crew again. So I went to class and ate my feelings away. Priscilla was still hanging out with him, posting stories of them at one party or another, while I was yet to receive an apology. Exactly a week after, she came to see me in my room and told me to stop “forming hard guy” and to talk to him.
I swear I missed him; he had been my whole world, so I called. He picked, no apology, and asked me straight out if I was calm now. He said he wanted to see me that night and asked me what I wanted to eat. That was it. The next day, we were back together.
No… he didn’t. He really didn’t
We had been having issues because he was flirting around with people, and it was getting back to me. I got that he was popular and good-looking, but he wasn’t even hiding it or denying it. He told me to understand that it was part of his job (he throws parries) and to stop acting like a child.
We had been arguing repeatedly for weeks, and this time I told him I was going to leave him because I was genuinely tired of his stupidity. I didn’t even get the words out of my mouth before he gave me a dirty slap. I mean, my ears were actually ringing. Literally.
Tears sprang to my eyes as I stood still. I guess my brain rebooted or something, as I grabbed open the door of the wardrobe and started packing my things. My hands shook as I tried to fit everything into the bag. I just wanted to leave, and that was all that mattered.
At first, he stood there and watched me, and then he came to hug me from behind. I’ll be honest, his touch triggered me so badly, and I immediately started fighting to get away. He held me down, begged me, told me he loved me as I cried. He carried me to the bed and said sorry so many times while I cried. I eventually cried myself to sleep.
He must have called Priscilla while I slept because she was right there on the bed when I woke up. I cried as I told her everything, and she hugged me. She promised she had spoken to David and that it wouldn’t happen again. She said, “I was taking the flirting thing too deeply.” David loved me; he was her friend, and he would do that again. Of course, we both agreed I shouldn’t have been insulting him, but he wasn’t a bad person. I mean, it sort of was like gaslighting, but I promise, outside of these moments, David was really the sweetest person ever. Everyone in our school knew me as his girlfriend; we had been dating for a year, and honestly, I don’t even know.
David was the sweetest after, like the entire event really did feel like a nightmare. He did slow down with what I was complaining about and bought me a couple of wigs and an iPad that I had mentioned I wanted. Our arguments even stopped turning into a screaming battle.
The Final Straw
We’ve officially been dating for 2 years now. I am 19, and no, we are not together, but we’re not totally separate either. Our last straw was the night event, which I suppose blew up at school, maybe not the school itself, but at least among close friends. So, I admit we were having one of those arguments, and it escalated more than it should have. He was supposed to travel to another state, and I had seen one of those “flirty messages” with another babe. I told him he wouldn’t leave till we settled. He kept trying to say it was nothing, and then I started listing all the things he had done.
We got into another screaming battle, and this time, he was more enraged than I had ever seen him. He promised to treat my fuck up. And of course, I know I was pushing him to, but I told him to try me. It’s still funny to me how the knife appeared and how he swung it from the back of my right shoulder to my elbow. Even he was shocked, I mean, I don’t even know who picked it up first to argue or threaten, but it happened so fast, and that was it.
Priscilla appeared and helped me to a clinic where we narrated a very stupid story. Fortunately, it was a dull kitchen knife, so it wasn’t that deep. After I got clean and bandaged, Priscilla followed me back to his apartment to get my things.
Have We Broken Things Off?
We are not dating anymore, but it’s not like the feelings ended. I mean, we still hang out together; we have the same group of friends, but I don’t know. He’s my first love, my first everything, and I get it. The scar has now fully healed, but that entire scenario shifted something between us. He still does the same things, which is what I loved him for, but we are no longer together, and he’s not seeing anyone.
Priscilla is still friends with him and is still trying to get us back together. She hangs out with him more now than ever. It drives me crazy, knowing she enabled everything. But I’m trying not to dwell on that.
I’m focusing on school again, attending my classes, trying to rebuild what I lost.
