I’ve never been a fan of the bad boy trope. I’ve always found the idea of a nice guy preferable. Smirks don’t just cut it for me; I like a wide smile and a big heart.
Which is why, when, at 16, scrolling on Wattpad and hidden under my covers at 3 am on a Tuesday, I read the term “Golden Retriever Boyfriend” for the first time, I was hooked. A charming boy who would be eager to make me happy, and make me the center of his world?
Sign. Me. Up.
So imagine my surprise when I grew up and found out that that wasn’t the reality. Like, at all.
In reality, Golden Retriever boyfriends are a myth. At the end of the day, they are still, pathetically, men, and you’ll find out the hard way when they inevitably cheat on you or hurt you.
But before I plead my case, let’s talk about why this became every girl’s dream in the first place.
Who Is The Golden Retriever Boyfriend?
As with all the good trends, we have TikTok to thank for this one. And COVID in a way. The term Golden Retriever Boyfriend was coined on TikTok, or more accurately, #BookTok, in 2021.
But how do you spot a Golden Retriever boyfriend? According to Cosmopolitan, he’s the type of guy to help you out without asking, light up when he sees you, send good morning texts unprompted, and if you asked him to, would commit immediately. Think Peter Parker, Chandler from Friends, and Jim from The Office.
In a nutshell, he’s the sweetest guy and is every girl’s dream. But dreams can turn into nightmares fast. Despite the tag and all, they can still be problematic. Here’s how.
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The Problem With Golden Retriever Boyfriends
The trouble with wanting a Golden Retriever boyfriend is that they will always disappoint you. And it almost always happens in two ways.
The first is when they don’t get a treat. Just like the dog, Golden Retrievers expect you to reward them for their good behaviour. After all, they’ve done you the courtesy of being the good guys, and they’re not like the men out there. So why can’t you let things go? A classic example of this Golden Retriever manipulation is Jeremiah from The Summer I Turned Pretty.
In the first two seasons, he was portrayed as the ultimate Golden Retriever. Compared to Conrad, the Black Cat, who was always serious, dealing with issues, and more introverted, Jeremiah, in contrast, was easygoing; he made her laugh, he was always there to cheer her up, and he was practically the life of the party.
But what did he do the moment Belly didn’t reward him for good behaviour? What did he do the moment things stopped being easy? He cheated on her. 
No wonder Vogue named him the 4th most embarrassing boyfriend in pop culture.
Another M.O of these Golden Retrievers is deception and playing the long game. For whatever period of time you spend together, they placate you by acting like the men you think they are, being available 24/7, treating you like a queen, and making you feel loved.
But when something changes, say for instance, you start to realize that they may not be perfect, or you get into a fight with them and their ego gets bruised, their real natures start to show. A recent onscreen example of this is Evan, from Tell Me Lies. Just like Jeremiah, in seasons one and two, Evan was the good guy. He was nice, empathetic, and cool, the opposite of that demon spawn Stephen.
But the moment he stopped getting his way and Bree dumped him, you start to see the mask peeling away slowly until he resorts to sabotaging her relationship with her mother, so she never has any support system other than him.
Vile behaviour!.
These two fictional characters show a pattern that actually repeats itself in the real world. When you first get with them, these Golden Retrievers can be the nicest people you’ll ever meet. Two seasons later, however, they switch up on you, showing you their true colors.
Still Need More Proof?
If we still haven’t managed to convince you, we spoke to three Nigerian women just like you who have had their own encounters with Golden Retrievers and seen them for what they are: Dogs.
Read their stories below.
“I was A Game.”
“Oba was nice. Almost too nice. He bought me treats every time we shared a uni course. He was always checking up on me to say hi. He wrote me cute letters. He was the ultimate Golden Retriever boyfriend. I remember one time, I was sick, and he came over to nurse me back to health. It was all like a college romcom movie, sweet and cute. Until one day, we got into a fight. You know how it is, both parties say harsh things, the fight ends coldly, and we make up for the next day or two. That wasn’t what happened. While we were arguing, he let slip that he only liked me because he wanted to steal me away from my ex, who he hated. I cried shege and bastard that day. He tried to take the words back, but I could never forget them.”
— Gbemi, 21
“He cheated on me for five years straight.”
“We were the dream couple. Everyone who knew us said we were perfect together, and they always told me I was lucky. We got married in 2020 during the lockdown and had been living together for three years before that. I really thought he was my everything. When I found out he was cheating on me in July 2025, it was like a joke. I couldn’t believe it. I wanted to forget about it, but I found out that the cheating had been going on since we got married. He had been hooking up with situationships, kissing random women at bars, etc. Many of these things even happened in front of his “friends”, who knew me as well. When I confronted him, he tried to lie and dodge the truth, but I had the screenshots to prove my case.”
— Chi-Chi, 31
“I wasn’t actually his type.”
“I was a super insecure girl when we started dating, as I was extremely skinny and I didn’t like how I looked. He always had a compliment for me, and used to write poems about how much he loved me. I thought we would get married, and even when we broke up because I was traveling out of the country, I never took it seriously. We were endgame, me and my Golden Retriever. So imagine my surprise when my friend hit me with an “Hey girlie” message. Apparently, he had been texting her for months while we were still dating. He was in her DMs telling her how much he needed a girl with curves, unlike my “dry” body. The same poems he wrote for me, he sent them to her first. Nice guys? Lol.”
— Tobi, 24
As you can see with these stories, the pattern is very clear; they’re kind, nice, and caring to you, but they have no guilt about doing things behind your back to hurt you.
So What Are We Actually Saying?
Be wary of the performative niceness.
Any man who seems too good to be true usually is. In this economy, a man who’s giving you his credit card to max out in only a week of knowing you is a red flag. A man buying you flowers every day isn’t romantic like in the movies; he’s love bombing you.
Plus, do you know how expensive flowers are? And he’s sending them daily?
He’s not an intentional man, no matter how badly you want him to be; he’s a conman. He may seem like a Golden Retriever now, but be on the lookout, girl, he’s selling you false promises. Take off the rose-tinted glasses and shine your eyes!
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At the end of the day, a dog with good manners is still a dog.
Don’t fall for old tricks.
